Terserah lu aja deh.....

Sorry, i need to write this in Indonesian, since it contains strong language. Viewers warning is advised.

Kenapa harus ada lagi kejadian yang gak perlu disaat suasana kerja.....
Hal seperti ini nih yang nyebabin gue jadi malas untuk kerja di tempat lu dan mendingan gue ngelamar kesana sini
Capek? Biarin, biar gue usaha sendiri. Dapat duit ya duit sendiri mskipun gak seberapa. Tapi lihat dari sisi lain, ada satu benda yang gak bisa dibayar pake duit, yaitu PENGALAMAN dan KETERAMPILAN.

Lu bisa ngomong kayak gitu karena lu udah ngerasain duit. Makanya malas buat belajar dan memandang rendah orang lain yang lu sangka kagak se-berduit lu. Karena dengan duit, klo misalkan ada sesuatu yang lu gak bisa, lu tinggal nyuruh orang dan bayar pake tuh duit.

Kenapa sih harus berkata seperti itu? Gue berkata begitu karena gue merhatiin dan coba kasih pendapat. Klo gue gak merhatiin dan cuek bebek, buat apa gue merhatiin kerjaan lu yang mana LU UDAH YAKIN 100% PASTI BENER DAN GAK AKAN SALAH. Buat apa pula gue buang2 energi untuk bertutur kata?

Gue jadi makin malas rasanya kalau suasana kerja kita jadi aneh dan gak nyaman di hati. Kerja dengan tenaga dan pikiran, iya, gue ngerti itu. Tapi ya hati juga harus nyaman supaya kerja gak kerasa jadi beban.

Lu udah nuduh bahwa gue negatif untuk ke tempat lu. Ya lu sendiri yang nyebabin aura gak enak dan malas. Lu udah nyebabin gue bingung. Kerja di tempat lu begitu, ngelamar kesana sini malah dimarahin habis2an. Kapan donk gue dikasih kebebasan untuk menghadapi pekerjaan dengan tangan gue sendiri...........
Gue dikasih uang tapi tetep aja bagai burung dalam sangkar yang mana pemiliknya takut burungnya akan mati atau hilang arah jika diterbangkan.......
Sedih banget.... dan hal ini tidak bisa disembuhkan dengan uang.......

Lots has happened and at the end of the study

Was it like almost 2 years since last time i made a post? So yea, here i am again
I've finished 2 years of Medical Lesson at hospital which means i'm around the edge of the end of my study in Medical Faculty. Alhamdulillah, Ya Allah, for all the time and bless you gave me

So now, let's get down to the things. I'm into cosplay lately and it has been like 2 years since last time i started cosplaying. There are curently 2 characters that i've been cosplaying :
1. Kagamine Len Append (Vocaloid)
2. Mao ( Disgaea 3)
Wish i could add one or two more charas so i could have quite a variety in cosplaying. Anyway, i'm not a good or professional cosplayer. I'm into cosplay just for fun and to show my love to the characters. That's why i cosplay the characters that i know of and love
Surely matters are still around. I don't give a heck about my past relationship anymore. I've decided to move on and here i am, fine by myself and enjoy everything i can and everything i have.
To be honest, about Fanart thing, i don't give a damn and still don't give a damn as i only keep them for sharing and i won't post it randomly everywhere. I've had enough of that incident and i've had enough dealing with artists with great talents that they use the talents to make a living. I will just ruin their lives with my past deeds if i were to do so again.
So, i don't give a damn that i can't draw anything and also don't give a damn to Fanart rules by keeping them within my HDD and not spreading it randomly

Proposed?

Several days ago, my father offered a girl to me whether i could accept her as a close friend or so
I denied it. Hell i'm not even thinking that far yet. Let me just make up myself for it. I can choose things by myself and that is include my life and further life plans.
Let me just do the things by my own and learn through life.

I don't mean to be rude, but for now, i'm ok by my own. I never had any girlfriend for 21 years already, well one say that it's a record. But still, i'm just fine. I can entertain myself and keep going. So, please, don't treat me as if i'm not knowing how to choose my match.
I have my own standards

Kinda stressed with the result

I wish it could be better......
*sigh* I've depressed enough knowing that i failed in Clinical Lesson, and when i saw the result, one more subject still failed, it's Pharmacy

Damnit, why? I guess i haven't tried my best. I don't want another thing lies a siege on my head next time i face subject in the Remedial Season. Please.... no.....
I need to be concentrated. I don't want more stressing situation. This Academic stuff already put my psychologic condition into a good corner, so please, no more situation or occurance that made me more stressed.
I just want to concentrate...... please..... I've had enough......

I'm very stressed tonight that i even thought that i should just commit suicide by falling from the rooftop of my campus's building. Ya Allah, please, don't let me deny my fate and make me ran away from my destiny.
If this were to be my fate, i'll accept it, but please, i beg you, don't push me too much. I have limit since i'm just a humble creature of you......

It's not that i don't want to try....

One best online friend of me taught me how to draw characters. He supported me to his best as to keep me trying and make some progress even a bit on drawing. But i just can't get myself to it
So, i ended up quitting, erased my drawing, and put the pencil back into its case

It's not that i don't want to try to draw characters but it has more to it.
I've thrown my pencil since years ago due to keep being insulted during Art Class when i was still in school. Even the teacher seemed like don't even want to see and interprete my drawing on some assignments of the Art Class.
So, i thought that it's useless for me to continue holding a pencil and pen except for writing. Since then, i throwed my pencil away.

But now, lately i tried myself to draw weapons and objects whether the lecturer is late to come into the class. So, i use that short break time to draw or to write or to play games or to just listen to the music.
I try myself to get a grip on pen and pencil to draw stuffs again

Please, don't treat it as if i don't trust you, neglecting you, or think that you're not worthy enough as my teacher, NO. It's just i still and can't just bring myself to it. If only i have more time and experience on drawing, maybe i could do a bit or two, even it's just a rubbish scrap since i'm not talented at all.

Why do i keep lying to myself....

It's just i don't understand at all. Yes, i'm lonely, i'm just a lonewolf. I NEVER had any girlfriend for 21 years already. Such record of time that i keep my heart as hard as a brick that long.
I just wish i could have someone to rely and trust on. I don't demand a must of a girl, male is ok, i just need more friends. Maybe this is additional but i wish he/she was an Otaku also who love Japan stuffs and products.

I dunno how to relieve my loneliness and stress. Maybe a simple roar is not enough. So, i guess i should just be honest to my ownself. I just need friends

I feel like wanna cry when i remember that i ruined my friendship with one of my best friend in internet after about some months we spent together. That was due to thing called Love. What a pain

Please.... i don't want to see, feel, or hear anymore words or news about Broken Heart stuff. My heart has already broken once for forcing myself to ruin someone's love in order to protect friendship with harsh way since i had no other choice.
Let's just be friends and get along. That should be enough

Love breaks friendship??

It's not fair!!! NOT at all!!
I just remembered something which happened 2 years ago to one of my best friend.
Well, yea, he got confessed by a girl in the campus, and he accepted it. Till now, he is still with that girl
But there was bad times happened back then.
And what is that? Me and 2 other of my best friends, ever thought that he wanted to trade our friendship with love just because he already got one.
He didn't attend our usual meeting after lecture, he often didn't attend lunch time together, he often gone by himself leaving us 3 behind, he sticks with his girlfriend during study, lecture, etc.
We were somewhat irritated with him for some weeks. Why? Because he himself didn't even made a contact with us 3 as about why and the details he went first, not stick together.
One more worse thing, there was one guy within us 3 who were having his b-day. All of his best friends were invited include that guy. But what? He rejected the invitation, so yea, this best friend of mine, held the party with that guy missing. After it was over, we all met again in the campus. But here is one thing, he didn't wanna attend his b-day's party, but WHY HE WOULD ATTEND HIS GF'S SISTER'S PARTY AND EVEN STAYED AT HER HOME FOR ONE NIGHT?
That's just RIDICULOUS!! Yes, as the repayment, we neglected him for 2 weeks or so. After about 2 weeks past, he was called to my boarding place to held a meeting. Luckily, he attended that, and we 3 forced him to pull anything that he wanted to say. That's the bad times.
I was kinda depressed when i remember that

It's just not fair, that all friendship got broken just because of a simple thing called love. I just wish we could adjust more thus could keep friendship along with maintaining the lovely times.

I myself ever felt that, and yes, it's hard to do both. But what gives. For my experience, i had to break myself up with a girl who loved me, it's just for one, FRIENDSHIP!!! I felt that the lovely times were somewhat being dark juice to me, so i decided to just throw it up, and back to friendship with my friends.

Fanart stuff? I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!!!

Right. Just because of Fanart's legality and stuff, my friendship with some friends got broken, and it happened like twice
WHY? WHY? WHY? JUST BECAUSE OF A SIMPLE THING CALLED FANART COULD BROKE A FRIENDSHIP? RIDICULOUS!!!
I have to say that, since it's just not making sense. I'd say logically since one or artist is pulling their own want and deed, and so made them do the claiming and stuff upon their creation
YES!! YES!! I KNOW!! It's important, but DO YOU THINK YOU REALLY NEED TO SAY THAT OUTLOUD AND PULL IT TO THE MAX? Do you really think your friends would REALLY STEAL your picts?
NO!! NO!! I won't steal and i would never steal!! I'm not that low as of an Art Stealer. I just want to share <_<, since that pict is good
Look, i've praised your pict, and now i want to help you by letting the world know of the existance of your picts, but why you answer that with claim of criminality? PREPOSTEROUS!!
Look at the other side first before you stick your nose and finger to propose a claim of criminality

Back to study stuff

Yes, i was away for whole week due to family reunion for Ied Mubrak
Happy Ied Mubrak/Idul Fitri to all. Hope we all achieve the great winning and back to Allah's fitrah also got his blessing on every of our pace

Now i'm back in Jakarta and back to my academy stuff again.
Well it wasn't that of a vacation for me back then, since i helped my father in almost every of the day of the holiday
But alhamdulillah that my old friends of Senior High are there and held some programs, so i wasn't much of lonely ^^
Especially, thanks to my dear best friend, Angger, who had accompany me for one whole day in Friday. You're my best friend for 9 years since Elementary School. Hope you won't and will never forget our friendship though you already have your couple one time in the future. Thank you so much, Angger ^^

When i came back and set my laptop to online, i got lots of messages from my dear online friend, it's Nemomon. Hahahaha, he said that he was doing a certain kind of Ressurrection Ritual for me to come back soon. Sorry, Nemo, i left no message before i left for hometown ^^l. But this Spammer of yours is now here again